Style...a Meditation

So I type a post on the style transformation I am undergoing and it disappears...

The Sunday Styles pic was taken after I wrote the post.  Now I do not remember what I wrote.

Here's the gist:
Why am I suddenly conscious of how I look, what I wear, where I shop?  Do I wear make-up or not?

I see myself as an eclectic person.  How can I create a style that reflects that?  Am I styling and dressing myself for me or for the world?

Why am I thinking about this at 38 years old?  I am packing clothes to donate--as I look at the clothes I see that I once dressed in a matter to hide myself.  The clothes have no shape... more on that in another post.

My obsession now is a great fitting pair of jeans.  Levi's preferably.  I now have to work up the nerve to walk into the Levi's store on 34th or in midtown.  525's for curves.

I am afraid the jeans don't fit.  I detest trying on clothes in a store--I am forced to look into a mirror; something I avoid doing after I leave my house in the morning.  I hurt when the pants begin to squeeze my thighs--a sign that the pants won't fit.  Yet, I have a small waist.  But I hate tight pants--I don't want to look like an overstuffed pastele or sausage.

Jeans are fluid.  I can dress them up or down. Sneakers, Birkenstocks, boots, sandals.  Nice white tee or beautiful sweater.

A great pair of blue jeans will be one of the basics I add to the wardrobe I am building.